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Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Surviving Domestic Violence: Two Years Later

Hello Everyone!


Drawing by me, Pilar

Two years ago I shared my story and experiences about  Surviving Domestic Violence. I still feel like that was one of the bravest posts that I ever posted on my blog.

Since the two years  that have passed since I found myself being a survivor of domestic violence, I realized that I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for back then.


Drawing by me, Pilar

I used to feel that my voice was being silenced by someone that I thought loved me. I was being put down by someone that claimed he would never hurt me. I was being hurt by someone that said he would protect me from any sort of danger. The man that I thought I loved made me feel so unvalued and unloved. It's crazy how some people can promise so much and have little meaning behind their promises. Actions truly speak louder than words.

I noticed that abusers are usually narcissistic and fantastic pretenders. Sure you may hear that, but unless you have dealt with a narcissist, their behavior can be very unbelievable.

Someone once asked me did I fear dating and relationships because of my past experience with domestic violence. My answer to that question was no. I'm more cautious, but I don't fear dating and relationships. I don't let one bad experience define my future. I owe it to myself to be in a happy healthy relationship.


Drawing by me, Pilar

Two years later I don't have as many flashback and nightmares like I used to have. My anxiety from being emotionally and verbally abused has eased over time. I promised myself that I once I was out of that situation that I would pay more attention to the signs of domestic violence.  I learned that the longer I held onto that hurt, the more I would continue to suffer.
You heart is precious, and it's so important that you don't expose your heart to the wrong people. Pay attention to others energy, because the things you ignore now, are typically the reasons you will leave later.


Drawing by me, Pilar

If you're in a domestic violence relationship, you can get out. There is hope for a better and brighter future for you. 
Domestic Violence Posts

 Surviving Domestic Violence: 2017

 Surviving Domestic Violence: One Year Later: 2018


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34 comments:

  1. LisaOctober 1, 2019 at 8:01 AM

    I have been there. It is scary. People often ask “Why can’t the abused just leave the relationship?” To some its a life or death situation. I managed to get away and live my life safe. His 2nd wife was not so lucky.
    Most abusers are charmers and people will see them as the victim instead of you.
    I almost never speak of my past abuse but things will trigger that haunting feeling.
    Domestic abuse is real. It’s mind altering and sickening.
    I’m glad we are survivors.
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 3, 2019 at 11:49 PM

      That is so tragic what happened to your ex's 2nd wife. I don't think some people realize the danger you can be in when you leave an abusive relationship. It's so important to have a safety plan in situations like that. Two years ago when I shared my story on my blog, I wanted to inspire and encourage anyone who found themselves in a similar situation.

      Abusers charm is their manipulation. It's sick and I agree the emotional aspect can take time to overcome. I had such a hard time taking about my experiences with domestic violence when I stated going to therapy again. I don't have nightmares like I used to, but I still have triggers.

      I'm glad we are survivors too Lisa.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousOctober 1, 2019 at 9:07 AM

    Very brave woman to tell your story. Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ivana SplitOctober 1, 2019 at 2:46 PM

    It is true that narcissist and abusers are often the most charming people on the outside, they have to be because that is how they trick and lure people in. It is definitely a topic worth talking about. Emotional and domestic violence can leave lasting consequences, so it is something we should educate ourselves about. It is great that you were able to find the courage to get out of that situation. Thank you for sharing your story.

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    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 8:49 AM

      Thank you Ivana, and you're welcome. That's exactly how I got lured in. He was so charming and sweet at first. Then the mask came off and he showed the true monster he was. You're right emotional abuse can leave lasting consequences. It's so important to talk about this subject. Education is key.

      Delete
  4. PamOctober 1, 2019 at 8:18 PM

    You are a strong woman and don't you ever forget it! I am sure it took a long time to heal but you also have done that. There are women that can't tell their story like you cause they failed to get away before it was to late. You are STRONG....stay that way.

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    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 9:02 AM

      Thank you Pam. It took a long time for me to heal. I don't feel emotionallly hurt like I used too. I'm proud of myself for being strong, removing myself from that situation, and sharing my story with others.

      Delete
  5. Red Rose AlleyOctober 1, 2019 at 8:52 PM

    Yes, so brave in sharing your thoughts on your own experiences and hardships, Pilar. I think it's so wise and good that you don't allow your past to interfere with the beautiful way you live now. One of my favorite sentences you wrote is "Your heart is precious, and it's so important that you don't expose your heart to the wrong people." That is true for all of us. And these days, I'm cautious myself. Thanks for sharing your story, Pilar. You really are a special one.

    ~Sheri

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    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 9:09 AM

      Thank you Sheri, and you're welcome. I owed it to myself not to let the past interfere with my future. There is life after DV. I've learned that it's so important that you don't expose my heart to the wrong people that includes, relationships, friendships, and family members. I'm cautious as well. Anyone not good for me I don't include them in my life.

      Delete
  6. nerlineOctober 1, 2019 at 9:48 PM

    Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It takes a strong person to do this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Carolina G. TicalaOctober 2, 2019 at 12:52 AM

    Estupendo post!
    Gracias por la information!
    Te espero por mi blog !
    Feliz dia ! ♡♡♡

    ReplyDelete
  8. ALLIE NYCOctober 2, 2019 at 11:32 AM

    It is mind blowing how prevalent it is. I am glad you are out of that situation and are a surviver. Lisa's comment is unnerving. Wow, this is a topic that we need to take very seriously as a society.

    Allie of
    www.allienyc.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 9:34 AM

      Thank you Allie. Lisa's comment is very unnerving and sad because so many horrible things can happen in dv relationships. I agree this is a topic society needs to take seriously.

      Delete
  9. MellieOctober 2, 2019 at 4:02 PM

    So glad you are out of a bad situation!!

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    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 9:35 AM

      Thank you Mellie. I glad in no longer in that situation too.

      Delete
  10. MarieOctober 2, 2019 at 5:59 PM

    Pilar, I'm glad that you left your abusive relationship. You are strong, beautiful woman and your story will continue to inspire people there is a happy life after abuse.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Dainty Dolls HouseOctober 3, 2019 at 4:32 AM

    Can completely relate to this post!! Abusive people are narcissistic and others tend to never see it about them, so the victim seems like they're making it up. Am happy you are away from that and continuing to heal, its a very long process that takes a long time. Am proud of your progress!! And I hope you continue and have a life full of happiness!! x

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    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 10:14 AM

      Thank you Kizzy. You're right some victims are accused of making the abuse up which is sad. Abusive people are usually very narcissistic. Their charm and manipulative ways can fool so many people.

      Delete
  12. Doctor AnneOctober 3, 2019 at 10:21 AM

    You are indeed a very brave person, and strong for surviving the relationship and for speaking up on that topic.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ZołzaTexaOctober 3, 2019 at 11:05 AM

    Przeżyłam koszmar ale zamknęłam tamten rozdział
    Mózg ma takie możliwości, że resetuje wszystko, tylko nie można się oddawać rozpamiętywaniu
    DOBRZE odnaleźć się w pasji, w tym co kochasz, aby nie zostawić w sobie agresji
    Ona lubi obudzić się całkiem nieoczekiwanie...
    Maluj, biegaj, pływaj, czytaj , kochaj ,ale głową nie powracaj
    Ktoś mi się niedawno zapytał, dlaczego się rozwiodłas?
    Nie pamiętam
    I to jest prawda
    Czasem syn, jego zachowania uruchomiają falę niechcianych uczuć, ale następuje to nieczęsto...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jackie HarrisonOctober 3, 2019 at 1:06 PM

    Interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rowena @ rolala lovesOctober 3, 2019 at 5:18 PM

    I'm so sorry that you were in such a situation Pilar. I'm just glad you're a survivor and you've managed to move past it which I'm sure hasn't been easy. You're very courageous for sharing story as it can help someone else and i hope you continue to make progress with your healing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PilarOctober 4, 2019 at 10:30 AM

      Thank you Rowena. It hasn't been easy, but healing takes time. I'm proud of all my progress in the past two years and sharing my story.

      Delete
  16. Evi ErlindaOctober 3, 2019 at 10:23 PM

    You are brave and smart, Pilar! You know how to get away and to heal your "wound".

    ReplyDelete
  17. SusieOctober 8, 2019 at 6:51 PM

    Hi Pilar, I am proud of you. Yes, sweet girl, you are much braver than you know. My daughters' father was abusive to me...we were so young and I did not know any better than to just take it. But once I got away from him ...I knew I would live a better life. Show my daughter how I could make it and we would all be safe. I will one day tell you all the things they say they learned from me. Here is an example. My daughter Kathy divorced after her son was in high school. I told her to wish her ex the very best, but he would never be able to hurt her again. No mean talk or put downs, and absolutely no hitting. So she and her ex stayed friends after the hurt of divorce eased. We all attended her son's college graduation and I swear you could have never wiped the smile off her son's face for anything. He was proud his parents and grandparents all treated each other well. I know no all breakups end that well. Blessings to you my dear friend, xoxo, Susie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. PilarOctober 8, 2019 at 10:42 PM

      Thank you Susie. I remember you mentioned before you left your abusive ex. You should your daughters true strength. I imagine leaving your ex husband wasn't easy, but you did what was best. I said something similar to what you and your daughter said about not being able to hurt you again. It was a very liberating feeling to be free of all the hurt he caused. Once I was finally done I haven't looked back. I think that's so good you all can treat each other well despite the negative things that happened. Blessings to you as well.

      Delete