Sunday, September 15, 2019

Family

Hello Everyone


I try to keep things 100% honest on my blog so today I want to talk about my family. You may have noticed that I rarely talk about or show my family on my blog (except for my mother). I recently recconnected with some members of my family. One of the biggest mistakes of my life, but all of this is a part of my story.

Some of my family members were the first teachers of lessons in distrust, deception, and deceit. That sounds really negative, but sadly it is negative. Over the years some of my family members have tried to make me feel like I'm not good enough or my efforts are pointless. I'm glad I know my worth, but the things they have done and said to hurt me is still very troubling.

I've heard rumors about myself that were false or not even close to story of what really happened. When I think of my family I often think of my granddaddy.  I miss him so much. Sadly he died in 2005, but I know this isn't how he would've his legacy to continue.  It seems like the family members that did love and care about me have all died. Unfortunately I feel left with the family members that are liars and manipulators, but who said life was fair right? God, I'm thankful for my mom and the few family members that I get along with.


I used to actually think my mom was adopted because how could a sweet kind loving person like my mother be related to such people? Incase you're wondering no my mom isn't adopted.

Family is not always blood related. I have people in my life that aren't related to me that have treated me with kindness, love, and respect.  I've had strangers treat me kinder than some of my family. I find it strange that my family gets offended when I don't come around, but why would I go around people that lie and start problems? That doesn't even make any sense.

2019 so far hasn't been that great in a few areas of my life, but I try not focus on the bad things. Things that are within my control, I make decisions as I see fit. If anyone in my family is snooping around social media you're reading my words that I find peace without the drama. If anyone in my family feels a certain way, then this post probably applies to you. I don't have any issues with some members of my family. I spoke my truth. As the saying goes the truth shall set you free.


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36 comments:

Evi Erlinda said...

Hi Pilar! You're right, life is fair :)
For me, I won't meet people who don't like me

Happy Monday!

R.ChamberofBeauty said...

You shouldn't meet people who don't like you. Life is really very strange. You should focus on positive things around you.

Have a happy Monday.
http://www.rakhshanda-chamberofbeauty.com/

Beauty Unearthly said...

Hello! Thanks for the inmormation! Have a nice day dear! x

Anonymous said...

I think every family has it's ups and downs, but some families keep constant chaos. That's unfortunate, but you did mention it's not all of your family. Cherish those good relationships.

Doctor Anne said...

Family can be the biggest support and the heaviest burden, and one that we have no say in choosing. Focusing on the ones you get along with and keeping your distance with the rest is a great decision.

Lisa said...

It is sad that some of the people that hurt you the most can be family. I have a couple family members that hurt me just for the fact they do not want to have anything to do with me. I have not found a reason why. I have nieces and nephews that will not have anything to do with me thought I have always been there for them as they grew up. I was at every gathering and birthday and Christmas. It hurts.
Family suppose to be tight and there when you need them, not hurt you or drive you crazy.
Just make sure they know you love them and then just turn away. You do not need that negativity in your life.
Hugs
LIsa

Red Rose Alley said...

Your post really hit home for me, Pilar. I, too, have had to deal with people who say things that aren't even true, and are negative and even mean. I feel for you, but please remember when this happens to us, to always turn to God. He is a light in a sometimes dark world. And He brings peace when nothing else at the time will. How special is your mother who is always there for you.

Sending you hug, dear one.

~Sheri

iamperlita said...

I can totally relate. I keep my distance when it comes to some family members. I hope things look up for you <3
Enjoy your week!
PerlaGiselle | iamperlita.com
♥ | INSTAGRAM

Marisa Cavaleiro said...

Hi Pilar
I'm reading your story and I felt I'm reading my story, so sad isn't it?
xoxo

marisasclosetblog.com

Rowena @ rolala loves said...

It's true that family doesn't always have to be those who are related to us but can be people who treat us like family. I'm also not close with most of my family aside from my mom so I know where you're coming from Pilar. You just do what's best for you and don't worry about what any one of them thinks.

Pilar said...

Happy Monday Evi

Pilar said...

Happy Monday Rakshanda. I don't really focus on the negativity from my family. I focus on the positive things.

Pilar said...

Happy Monday

Pilar said...

I wanted to make clear in my post that it's not all my family members. That would be wrong and unfair to say it's everyone. The chaos gets old so I stay away from that. No family is perfect, but I do appreciate the family members that are not full of drama.

Pilar said...

Very true Anne. Sometimes you have to keep your distance from things and people that are toxic even if it's your family.

Pilar said...

Lisa I'm sorry to hear that about your family. Trust me I understand how you feel. My family is somewhat the opposite because a lot of my family members tend to tell lies. I haven't figured out the reason for them telling lies, but I came to realize there is no reason. People including family do terrible things because they are usually miserable. You're right I don't need that negativity. Sending hugs to you as well.

Pilar said...

Reading the responses to my post I noticed that I'm not alone in regards to the way I feel. I know that people have family drama, but I was hesitant to posting this because I didn't want to come off as negative. I'm sorry that your family has done and said things to hurt you Sheri. I've prayed about this and you're right God is light in a sometimes dark world. I'm very thankful for my mom. Sending you a hug as well.

Pilar said...

Thanks Perla. I find it's best to keep my distance. Happy Monday.

Pilar said...

It is sad, but that's some members of my family, not me. I know that I have a good heart.

Pilar said...

I used to let how my family treated me bother me, but not as much anymore. My mom has the same issues with my family so she doesn't deal with various members of our family either. I have a good relationship with my mom. You're right I do what's best for me and not worry about what they think.

Kelsey Martino said...

It's good that you have a sweet and loving mother and that you have a good relationship with her. I'm sorry to hear about how some of your family treat you. But, I am glad that you know your worth. Be true to yourself always and don't let negative people break down who you are. You know who you are.

A Shimmer, A Shadow

Ivana Split said...

It is always a good idea to keep one's distance from people who hurt or mistreat you, no matter how closely you might be related. So many people said their mental health improved significantly since they distanced themselves from toxic family members. It really doesn't depend who it is, but how they make us feel. Even the closest family members can be a great burden if we let them. Likewise, sometimes people we aren't related to can prove to be the most supporting ones. There really aren't any rules. You definitely shouldn't feel guilty about distancing yourself from problematic family members or let them make you feel so. We are all primarily responsible for ourselves. Some relationship or friendships lead nowhere and should be abandoned in favour of building more genuine ones that will prove a better support system.

Tanza Erlambang said...

all of us may be face with the same "problems".... yes, just avoid who doesn't like us.

Thank you to remind all of us.

The Dainty Dolls House said...

I completely understand you. I don't have a relationship with my family really anymore. My mother stopped talking to me basically and I stopped talking to my older sister as they were both still quite toxic. Sadly my mother passed away before we could connect again but, it wasn't without trying. They were toxic growing up and I thought they had changed but they didn't. Sometimes you have to do what is best for your health and happiness and sadly, sometimes that is letting people go even if they are blood related. Because family doesn't do those things. I hope you feel better and stronger and take care of yourself!! xx

Pam said...

Well said....FAMILY ~ you either LOVE or HATE them. Seems to be no in betweens. Family is not always what we would want for ourselves and you feel like you have to try to get along cause they are...FAMILY. But there comes that time when you just have to back away. You have to FORGET they are family and move on. My son said it best when he 13 of his friends, him and his wife and me in the mountains of Calif for his bday a yr ago. He pointed to his friends and told me they were the family he picked. They might not be family by blood but they are family in feelings, and love. They are the group you pick to be around, to spend that time with. You see Cory don't have any family other then the one he married into out in Calif so be started picking the ones he wanted as not only friends but family! So....it sounds like to me you have a great support in your mom and some close family members, and I am sure friends. Hold all of them close and push the rest away. You don't need them in your life. Think of continuing your journey on fixing you (you have stated that you have had to do that), enjoying life, being healthy and loving the ones that make you feel wanted and special.

Pam said...

Oh and by the way....your bill is in the mail!! hahaha

Marie said...

Pilar, you're not alone. Many families are just how you described your family. Family can be the people who hurt you the most. I think that's sad, but you remember that you don't that negativity or toxicity in your life.

Pilar said...

It's so important to know your worth because if you don't, you can set yourself up to be mistreated by others. I don't let my family's behavior get to me the way it used to. My mom is so supportive and loving. She taught me to be strong. You're so right Kelsey, I know who I am.

Pilar said...

It's funny you should mention that Ivana. Even though I struggle with anxiety and depression, my mental health has improved since I stopped dealing with some of family. I've even talked about my family issues in therapy. I don't give it too much of my time because I know I deserve to be happy. I've also had to let go of friendships as well. It may hurt, but sometimes you're better off without some people in your life. I've learned the importance of having more genuine and sincere support systems.

Pilar said...

You're welcome Tanza

Pilar said...

I'm so sorry to hear this Kizzy. You gave effort so that counts for something. I thought the same thing, that maybe some of my family members had changed, but I never let my guard down. It didn't come as a surprise when they acted worse than before. Some people are just miserable and toxic and that includes family. I'm happier and my mother is happier since we stopped talking to some of our family. I hope you are doing well!

Pilar said...

I agree Pam. I tried to get along with some of them, but the effort was pointless. I tried to be respectful only to disrespected. I used to get so frustrated and angry on how they tried to mistreat me. I had to look at the bigger picture some people just like to create unnecessary hurt and drama. I value the close relationship that I have with my mom and a few others. This past year has been about moving people family and friends out of my life that don't treat me well. I'm not perfect, but I don't mistreat people.

Pilar said...

Lol hahaha! Pam :)

Pilar said...

You're right Marie, no I don't need that toxicity or negativity in my life.

Mellie said...

You definitely aren't alone. I haven't spoken to anyone on my Mom's side of the family in decades. Some of my cousins did some horrible things to my Mom and I will never associate with them again.

Pilar said...

I'm sorry to hear that Mellie. I can relate. I've had several family members treat my mom unkindly and keep drama going. I don't associate with them at all.

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