Thursday, October 12, 2017

Surviving Domestic Violence

Hello Everyone,



October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

All the name calling and put downs...All the I'm sorrys and I Love you's...All the text messages saying it won't happen again...only for the next time he and I got into an argument it would likely be worse than the last time...

This has to one of most courageous posts that I've posted on my blog so far. Domestic violence is a hard subject for me to write or talk about now because today I'm writing about the subject from personal experience. When you hear the words domestic violence most people automatically think physical abuse. I know I used to think that even though I know domestic violence included various types of abuse. In my situation the abuse, was mostly verbal and emotional nonetheless the pain he caused once left me feeling broken, hurt, and feeling insecure.

When you first start talking to someone things are usually go well. I thought to myself what a sweet guy until things started turning ugly with his jealously, lies, and mistreatment. 

I remember one time in particular he was telling me how he doesn't want to see me cry or make me upset, but I just make him so mad. I was sitting there thinking ...wow this guy is actually blaming me for the way he mistreats me. I've been called out of my name and any accomplishments I tried to share with him he would either dismiss them or put me down. I was stalked and harassed by him the point that hearing my phone ring would sometimes send me into a state of panic. Even after things were over between us, I was still being cyber bullied, stalked, and harassed. 

I finally got to a place that I said enough was enough. The day I told him I was done with him and truly meant it, I began to take my life back. Even though he has tried various ways to contact me, I haven't talked to him. I can see positive changes in my life. When I think back on all the times I kept taking him back, I was in a place that I don't think I liked myself very much at the time to endure such horrible treatment. When you truly love yourself you won't allow anyone to treat you any kind of way. It's true you can't control what someone says or does to you, but don't have to take that mistreatment. 

I'm not one to share details my love life online because I feel those things are private, but I feel domestic violence is an issue that needs to be addressed more in society. I used to feel embarrassed of how I was being treated, but I had to realize that it wasn't my fault for the way he treated me. I didn't write this post for sympathy and I didn't write this post to bash his character. I wanted to write about this topic to share my story and hopefully help those who went through similar experiences (or going through similar experiences know they are not alone, and you have the strength to walk away.

36 comments:

  1. This is a brace post, Pilar! It takes a lot of courage to speak out but I'm proud of you for doing so! And also proud of you for taking control of your life and saying enough is enough! Shame on anyone who mistreats others, and it's never ever anyone's fault when other act out in viscous ways

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    1. It took a lot for me to write this post, but I can only hope my story will inspire and encourage people to leave if they're being mistreated. It is sad that people act out viscously.

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    2. Thanks Ashley for the kind words. I'm proud of myself too for walking away and moving forward with my life.

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  2. Wow this is definitely a courageous post! Domestic abuse is absolutely awful, I haven't been in an abusive relationship but I am so glad that you had the courage to take your life back. Very insightful post Pilar :)

    -Sophie xx
    Cherries & Perfume 

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  3. you're so brave to post this and share your story, Pilar! it is inspiring and helpful to let those who are experiencing the same thing that they are not alone. Being mistreated and being attacked emotionally is really hard. I went through a phase where this one person really hurt me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. it was really hard that it triggered my quarter life crisis so hard and i hit rock bottom that time. it took me months to let go and really get over the experience. i'm pretty sure he has no idea with the impact his attitude inflicted in me. i was really haunted by it that it affected everything i did. i recovered eventually and truly let go. the experience was horrible but i guess it made me stronger. what i'm trying to say is, you are very brave pilar and you are stronger now. you are who you are because of the experience you faced. i hope domestic violence will not happen though.

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

    P.S. If you're interested and have the time, you can read more of my quarter life crisis here: http://www.raellarina.net/2017/04/how-to-deal-with-quarter-life-crisis.html

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    1. Thanks Rae. I think that you're brave for sharing your story too. It is really hard to deal with being attacked emotionally etc. Dealing with depression and anixety issues myself over the years, I can imagine how it triggered a quarter life crisis. It can be hard to deal with stress when you're feeling hurt. I'm glad you recovered from that difficult time in your life. I'm still getting there, but like I mentioned in my post I can see positive changes in my life once I walked away from him, and I do feel stronger.

      I'll definitely read your post. Thanks for the link.

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  4. Its good to put it out there to encourage other to do the same and not tolerate no man or woman to verbal or physical abuse. Thank god you were able to get out and now see that it was not worth you precious time.

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    1. Thanks Jackie. I want to encourage and inspired others not to be with a person that's abusive. You're right, abuse of any kind shouldn't be tolerated. It's just not worth it.

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  5. Such a courageous post darling, well written!
    Happy Friday Pilar!
    Love, Paola.
    Expressyourself

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  6. It is very brave of you to share your story Pilar. And it's true that what happened is in no way your fault. I'm just glad you were able to move past the situation and your courage in opening up will no doubt help someone else.

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    1. Thanks Rowena. I think it's very important that people know that being abused is not their fault.

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  7. This is a very brave post Pilar. I'm sure that you're helping someone who is reading your post. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  8. It's very important, what you write... And I know too good what you mean.

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    1. Thanks Krolowa for stopping by my blog.

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  9. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, dear Pilar. Sometimes we just have to put our feelings in writing, and you wrote a story for us to read that was honest, sharing the experiences you had in your life during this difficult time. : )

    ~Sheri

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  10. Thanks for sharing your inspiring story of courage.

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  11. First off....that would not be considered sharing your love life. That was sharing a true life experience and one that more women need to talk out against. Bless you for doing that. NO MAN should ever have that hold over any woman. You did the right thing by getting out and staying out. Shows that you have come a long way, you have grown, you are strong and life will be better for you because of that step. Hold strong in that and NEVER let another guy that close to you to do that to you...there is a right one out there. REMAIN STRONG!

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    1. Thanks Pam. That's true, but I was talking about about sharing my love life in general. This is like you were saying sharing a true life experience. I agree more women, and people need to talk about these issues. I promised myself that I wouldn't tolerate that mistreatment from another guy again. I feel that I'm stronger now that I've moved on.

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  12. Domestic violence is an important issue that needs to be talked about. You don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.

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    1. I agree. This is very important issue, and you're right no one deserves to be mistreated.

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  13. Pilar, Thank you for posting this....you are helping others. I know domestic abuse , I was raised in it. Had it in my own life...no more. I do not know how people can deal with it in this day and age of drugs and cyber bullies. I will say most of the abuse I was ever around was for total control over another human being. I raised my daughter to not take any kind of abuse. But to not be abusive themselves.
    I am sorry that you went through what you did in your young life. Stay strong and true to yourself.
    Blessings to you honey, xoxo, Susie

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    1. Thanks Susie, and you're welcome. I wasn't raised in a home that included abuse, but I'm sorry that you went through that. In my situation the some of his mistreatment was cyber bullying during and after I stopped talking to him. I won't lie it can be am awful thing to experience. My mom raised me to stand up for myself and not tolerate abuse as well. One of the best things I did for myself is the day I stopped dealing with him.

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  14. I'm so glad you decided to write about domestic violence because it is a hard topic to talk about and there are a lot of people who think that they are alone in this. Not only is it good to get awareness about this out there but it is a good healing tool for you too. There are all forms of abuse. Domestic and Sexual abuse. Both abuse are a horrible thing that we need to stand up against and hopefully end one day. I can't wait to see what topic you will take on next.

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    1. Thanks Kristen. I felt it was important to share my story becasue like you mentioned domestic violence comes in various forms. Writing this post was a form of healing me. Even though this was a difficult topic for me to write about, I can tell that I'm getting stronger. I'm at place within my life that I can talk about my experiences with domestic violence.

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  15. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Pilar. You are a strong and corageous women and will for sure help others that get the chance to read this post.

    Linda, Libra, Loca: Beauty, Baby and Backpacking

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    1. Thanks Linda. I appreciate your kind words.

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  16. Your story will encourage others and give them strength. They will know that they are not alone and there is hope. I applaud you for having the courage to come out and share your personal experience. I am proud of you.



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    1. Thanks Nerline. You're too kind. I'm proud of myself too. You're right there is hope.

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