Saturday, October 6, 2018

Surviving Domestic Violence: One Year Later

Hello Everyone!


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October 2017: All the name calling and put downs...All the I'm sorrys and I love you's...All the text messages saying it won't happen again...only for the next time he and I got into an argument it would likely be worse than the last time... 

When I look back it's still surreal that I wrote those words in my post telling the world I was a survivor of domestic violence last year. I still feel that post was the most courageous post that I'd ever written on my blog. When I first started my blog, I shed light on domestic violence awareness.  Fast forward a few years later, I thought I never be a survivor of domestic violence sharing my own story.

When I wrote my Surviving Domestic Violence post last year, I had stopped talking him months prior in March of last year and I've still had no contact with him. Fast forward almost 6 months later in October 2017 the emotional hurt was still there, but I had began to heal. I'm still healing from all the hurt he caused me, but I don't let it control my life.

I truly believe that people don't want to end up in verbal or physical relationships or situations with someone, but I do think there are usually warning signs of the abuse that's going to impact your life. It's a known fact that abuse usually starts with verbal, emotional, mental abuse.

Speaking for myself, I know there were signs that I overlooked. That's the mistake most people make ignoring signs of domestic violence. Domestic violence isn't always physical. In my situation he was very verbally and emotionally abusive.

I'm very close to my mom. She's not only mom she's my best friend. I've always been able to talk to my mom about anything. He even tried to break the bond I had with my mom. He was very unsuccessful with trying to do so, but nonetheless for a while it did put a strain on our mother daughter relationship. He tried to isolate me from my friends, wanting all my attention and time. It was to the point if I was talking to one of my friends he would start an argument and try to manipulate me into thinking everything was always my fault. As you may have figured out, I rarely talked to anyone about what was going on.

Last year when I wrote my surviving domestic post, I talked about some of the things I endured one could even say that I scratched the surface with speaking my truth. Looking back I'm glad I decided to share my story. Today I'm at a place of peace that it doesn't hurt so badly to discuss all the things I endured. For the longest time I used to feel ashamed, alone, and I ultimately suffered in silence because I didn't tell anyone what was going on. The tears don't fall like they used too.

How did I end up a survivor of domestic violence? I didn't grow in an abusive household, I've never seen my father or any man disrespect or mistreat my mother. My mom instilled important values of always know my worth and to love myself. How did this happen to me? I've come to this conclusion, it's a part of my story. Thankfully and by the grace of God I finally had enough.  I feel blessed that I'm here today writing as a survivor of domestic violence rather than being a victim of domestic violence. For anyone that is going through domestic violence please leave and be safe. I know that may seem easier said than done.

Remember if you're in a domestic violence relationship, you can get out and there is hope for a better a brighter future for you.


Surviving Domestic Violence

October 2018 Post

Projects with Pilar: Fall DIY Decor

Yes Hipolito Ulta's Favorite Box


September 2018 Posts



BH Cosmetics Galaxy Chic Palette Tutorial

Hurricane Preparations 2018

Update: Hurricane Florence

Bath & Body Works Fall Candle Haul 2018

Urban Decay Elements Palette

Target Bullseye Playground Haul: Fall Edition

My Life in September 2018

36 comments:

Susie said...

Pilar, I wish I could hug you and tell how very proud I am that you made the break from being treated badly. I have been there...saw it with my parents...too much. Then my children's father did many mean and physical things to control me , belittle me, put me down so much...I felt like I had no self worth...No more !! When we love, we are blind...but once we open our eyes fully we know what has to be done. When I showed my children's father how strong I was, he started respecting me. We always loved each other...but I did not always like him. Oh my gosh, I could go and on. Sorry honey. Be proud of how strong you are. So happy you and your mother are best friends. Bless your sweet heart, xoxo, Susie

Adriana Leandro said...


You are so strong Pilar. I would like hug you.
Kisses!

galerafashion.com

Sakuranko said...

My bests wishes to you. you are so brave and amazing~
God bless you
xx

Hurriya Burney said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can imagine it must have required a lot of courage. So glad that you got out of that terrible situation.

Hurriya

Ivana Split said...

You're very brave to write about it, I know it is not easy to write about things like that. I think you're right, there are ways to pick up on abusive behaviour and people, we should all learn about them. Possibly a part of the problem is that abusive people are often excellent manipulators and they try to make the person believe it's their own fault or that they have caused the abusive behaviour in some way which isn't true but abusers often manage to get away with it because of their manipulating skills. For the person who has suffered abuse, it may be really hard to get over the trauma of everything that happened and realize it is in no way their own fault. That is why it is so important to talk about it. A lot of people find themselves in toxic, stressful or abusive relationship, and it is important to know that there is a way out of them.

Pam Jackson said...

You seem like you are doing great now and I am so happy for you! No man has the right to abuse a woman in anyway whats so ever. I am happy for you to get away from all that.

Glamour ZONE said...

I am so proud of you dear. I know this post and the one you wrote last year will end up impacting so many people. Kisses!

Marie said...

Pilar I'm so proud of you for writing this year and last year's post about surviving domestic violence. You're are encouraging people to leave their abusive relationships and giving them hope for a better future. Going through any type of abuse must be hard, but you're brave for telling your story.

Gmail sign up said...

Your blog is great. I read a lot of interesting things from it. Thank you very much for sharing. Hope you will update more news in the future.
short life game
run 3 unblocked
slope

Lynette said...

I think most people are too scared to talk about it - but going through it myself it's always inspiring to read other people's stories.

www.pink-purpledots.blogspot.com

Linda Libra Loca said...

I don´t think anyone ever truly understand why he or she ends up in an abusive relationship, and likewise no one is forever safe from (re) entering one.
I am glad to hear you are healing and in a much better place now.

Anne|Linda, Libra, Loca

Ann said...

This post is really great Pilar
not only is it heartbreaking at first
but it is inspiring and an eye-opener
for other people that there is a way
out of domestic violence. I am proud of you.

Ann
https://roomsofinspiration.blogspot.com/

Rowena @ rolala loves said...

I remember your original post Pilar! This is not an easy subject and you are very courageous to share your story. I'm glad you were able to find the strength to walk away and I hope you continue getting stronger as what happened moves further into your past. *hugs*

Beauty Unearthly said...

Hello, thanks for the information.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing an update to your experience with domestic violence. I remember reading your post last year thinking how strong you were to tackle a difficult subject. You're an inspiration and I'm sure you've probably helped people by writing this post.

Andrea Barbieri said...

Thanks for sharing your story! This is a very important topic that we need to be aware of.

Hope you have a lovely week! :)

Andrea.

Seize your Style

Red Rose Alley said...

I'm sorry you had to go through this in your life, Pilar. You are a strong and wonderful woman, and it's so special that you have a close relationship with your mother. I don't think anyone can take away the love, respect, and closeness we have for our mamas. They are with us til the end, and even in our hearts after they leave this world. Thank you for sharing your story, Pilar.

~Sheri

Kristen Alpert said...

I love the fact you wrote this post. This post will help a lot of people in an abusive relationship and see that they are not alone and that they can also get out of it. Too many stay bc of fear and by the time they get the confidence to leave it is too late. This post is powerful and a great message to all that you are not alone and that you can leave and survive. I can't wait for the next powerful post.

Pilar said...

Thank you Susie you are so sweet. I appreciate your kind words. I'm sorry to hear you went through those things. I agree love is blind. Once I opened my eyes and had enough of being mistreated I was able to take my life back and regain my confidence. I don't understand why some people can't show respect. I'm glad you showed him how strong you were and that he started to show you the respect you deserved. My mom has always been my best friend ever since I was a little girl. We are so close, and I love and appreciate my mom so much! Blessings to you!

Pilar said...

Thank you Adriana, you're too kind!

Pilar said...

Thank you Sakuranko. I appreciate your kind words!

Pilar said...

Thank you, and you're welcome Hurriya. It did take a lot of courage and move forward with my life. I knew that it wasn't ok for him to treat me like that, and I knew I deserved better.

Pilar said...

Thank you for your kind words Ivana. It wasn't easier writing about this even though I did a post similar last year.i realized as I wrote this follow up post that I I'm stronger than I gave myself credit. Manipulation is the first word I think about when it comes to abusers. Knowing about abusive relationships and people can ultimately be life changing. You're right there is a way out.

Pilar said...

Thank you for your kind words Pam. I think that I'm doing great now once I moved on and never looked back. I feel more at peace and I feel happier. I agree, any form of abuse is wrong.

Pilar said...

Thank you so much Carole! I hope these posts I wrote help people know they can leave too. There is life after domestic violence.

Pilar said...

Thank you Marie for the kind words. There's defintely life after leaving abusive relationships/situations. It was hard, and sometimes I have flashbacks, but I'm much happier without that abuse in my life.

Pilar said...

Thank you

Pilar said...

Thank you Lynette. I think some people are embarrassed of being abused. I learned that it wasn't my fault for his horrible behavior. I just should've walked away sooner. I don't blame myself anymore or feel ashamed. I left him alone and continued on with my life.

Pilar said...

Thank you Anne. I would have never thought I'd be writing posts about my own personal experiences with domestic violence. I hope someone reading my story will find it helpful. Healing from abuse is hard, but not impossible. The pain does lessen with time.

Pilar said...

Thank you Ann. I really appreciate your comment.

Pilar said...

Thank you so much Rowena. This is still a difficult subject for me to discuss, but it wasn't as hard as last year. That's how I know I'm continuing in the right direction with my healing because I can talk about my experiences. I'm a strong girl and my hope with time I'll be even stronger.

Pilar said...

You're welcome.

Pilar said...

Thank you for all your kind words.

Pilar said...

Thank you Andrea, and you're welcome.

Pilar said...

Thank you so much Sheri, and you're welcome. After going through some of the things I did. It really opened my eyes. I promised myself before I let that happen again. I'll walk away much sooner and won't look back. It's so important that people respect one another and their feelings. He gave it try to take the closeness away with my mama, but like I mentioned in my post he was very unsuccessful with trying to do so. You're right no one can take that away.

Pilar said...

Thanks Kristen for your kind words and support. Your friendship and you being there has meant a lot to me. There were times I didn't always like what you had to say about this situation, but I knew that you were right. The truth isn't always pretty. I'm glad I left before it was too late. I really hope that someone reading this post will know they're not alone and they can walk away too.

Clean Beauty at CVS

Hello Everyone! I've partnered with CVS Beauty for this post for review purposes. I want to thank CVS for sending over these prod...