2019 What a year and I don't fully mean that in a good way. I've had so many obstacles this year. I moved, my health hasn't been the best, I've had family drama, my car needed work done more than once, I've gained weight from emotional eating. I've struggled badly with anxiety and depression. This list seems endless, but nonetheless I'm still pushing through.
I've spent a lot of this year overcoming obstacles and being resilient. Even though I know I'm a strong girl, sometimes things became just too much. Life isn't always fair, but that doesn't mean you can quit. I've spent many nights wide awake not being able to sleep thinking about all the things I've had going on in my life. I've spent many nights crying and feeling afraid because of my anxiety.
ER visit for anxiety: July 2019
Sometimes I've been in so much emotional and mental distress that I thought I was on the verge of having an emotional meltdown. I have to constantly remind myself to acknowledge my feelings and or seek help before I let my issues with anxiety and depression get to a debilitating point. I also want to thank everyone once again that kept me in your thoughts and prayers to feel better in terms of my anxiety and depression struggles. That means so much to me that you all are so caring and supportive.
In life you have to remember that you have to help yourself. People can help you, but it's ultimately up to you to put in the hard work and make the effort. I'm learning that anything or anyone that compromises my mental health I need to eliminate from my life. I owe it to myself to be happy and healthy.
I lost some of the weight I gained during my depressive state. (I went through this a few years ago after I graduated college and gained and lost weight) I'm eating healthier and I'm trying to stick to diet that will help bring my iron levels up. I'm still having nutirent deficiency issues, but I'm continuing to work with my doctor and taking medication to bring those levels up.
Makeup is my passion
My MUA business has been productive this year, and I've worked with amazing clients. I've collaborated and reviewed for brands. This year I was also invited to my first brand event for Urban Decay! As an influencer, I will always be honest about the products that I review. Even though I'm an influencer, I still love create my own original content to share with you all.
I'm working on some new projects and business ventures for next year as well. 2019 hasn't been that great, but I'm remaining positive, strong, focused, and looking forward to 2020.
Almost 34 Years Old
I promised myself that I would not be one of these people that focus solely on the number of my next age, but the past few months I've been feeling old. It's funny that I don't see others who are older than I am as old. Around July (the month I had an anxiety attack that sent me to ER) I started feeling like I wasn't accomplishing some of my personal goals. I know that was just depression and anxiety getting the best of me, but I still felt unfulfilled. I've always been driven, but my setbacks and disappointment led me to become that more driven.
I don't have any plans as of yet, but we'll see. Since my birthday is on Christmas Day, there are very limited things and places that are open so if I go out, it will have to be before or after my birthday.
Update as of December 3rd...I know that many of you look forward to my Christmas Posts, but I think I'm going to sit this year out. Honestly I've been feeling burned out. I will be back in January refreshed, reset, and ready for a brand new year! See you all in 2020! You can always check out my Christmas posts from December 2018! Wishing all of you a very wonderful and safe holiday season!
My Personal Posts for 2019
What is Love?
A Different Direction
Courage Believe Inspire
Soak up the Sun
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
A Mother's Day Message For My Mom
Memories of My Father
Emotional Self Care
Anxiety and Announcement
Mental Health Check-In
Well, That Explains a Lot...
Surviving Domestic Violence: Two Years Later
World Mental Health Day
Since your birthday is on Christmas day perhaps you can celebrate before or during the whole month, do a birthday month as I have seen some bloggers do. I think that birthday month is a fun idea, taking every opportunity to celebrate life. I do believe that life is a gift even if it is hard. I felt the same way as you do when I approached 34, and now that I'm approaching 35 I feel the same way, like I haven't accomplished what I should have had. I imagined a different life for myself, I suppose that nobody wishes for a chronic illness and health problems but what can we done? We have to make the most of the cards we have been dealth with.
Sorry that you have had such a tough year so far, but it's great that things are looking up for you! :) Having your birthday on Christmas day would be so special! Hope you have a fun time however you chose to celebrate!
Hope that you are having a wonderful weekend :) I posted my Annual Handbag Gift Guide if you want to check it out :)
Away From Blue
OUCH....34 yrs old...haha. I am looking 60 in the eye right now and my daughter will be 39 in 19 days. Now that OUCH just adds to my daily pain!! haha. I hope you are doing well. No more ER visits and taking care of you. Stay on that path.
Oh yeah...meant to tell you, thank you for you sweet comment about the humor in the furbabe blog. They enjoy writing those....oops, just kidding!
As the year nears the end, I hope that you have all the happiness and joy of the holiday season. I also wish you a wonderful early Happy Birthday!
Hi Pilar, about three more weeks, I would like to wish you an amazing and exciting life :)
It sounds like you've had quite a year Pilar. I'm sorry that 2019 wasn't the best for you, but it's not over yet. You're a strong and beautiful person. To share your most personal struggles here on your blog, you're helping someone by sharing your story. I hope that Decemeber is filled with wonderful things and I hope that you have an amazing 34th birthday!
Lots of things to work through in your life but you are turning it around, am really happy for you and I hope the new year brings much more positive moments. Anxiety is tough, I get it myself and I know how much it can pull your down. You're a beautiful persona and I know great things will come your way. xx
2019 has been a tough year! Hoping things look up for 2020. 34 is still young!! I wish I could go back to my 30s or even early 40s!
you are lucky to have birthday the same with Christmas day... billion people celebrate it world wide...
Have a wonderful day
While this year may not have been the smoothest, it sounds like you've learned and grown alot and are in a good state of mind heading into your next birthday Pilar!
Great post. I can feel you pain and your achievements as I read this. Stay strong my friend.
34? OMGosh, your just a baby! Haha.
You should keep a prayer journal or life journal. Take time each day to reflect whats happening in your life. The good and the bad. This could be a great tool to relieve some emotions.
And I agree, eliminate those that are unhealthy to your well being no matter how much you love them.
Typically I do something then weekend before my birthday or a couple of days before my birthday. A birthday month is a fun idea. I know what you mean all too well about personal accomplishments. I have to remember when I feel like that, it makes me push forward even more for my goals. I'll get there. You're right in life we have to make the most if the cards we've been dealt. I'm working on taking better care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Thanks Mica. I hope you are having a wonderful week!
Hi Pam. I'm doing okay. I'm trying to take better care of myself. I don't want anymore ER visits. I hope you are well.
You're welcome. I enjoy reading the furbabe blog.
Thank you, and have a wonderful holiday season.
Thank you Evi. Have a wonderful week.
Thanks Marie. I tried to make the best out of 2019. A lot of setbacks, but I'm still here. I like to think that I'm helping others by sharing my life experiences. Have a wonderful week.
Thanks Kizzy. I'm doing my best to turn it all around. I spend a lot of time praying and putting in the effort. Anxiety is so tough. I have to fight not to let myself get to a state a panic. You're a beautiful person too Kizzy. Your kind comments throughout the year are greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful week.
Thanks Mellie. I'm looking forward to the next stage in my life. Have a great week.
Thanks Tanza. Have a great week.
I've had a lot of challenges this year. I have that I've grown a lot especially this year. Have a great week.
Thanks Lisa. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. My mom loves to say I'm just a baby too lol. I think it's becoming surreal I'm about to turn 34 and be in my mid thirties. I used to journal all the time. I even had a prayer journal. I need to get back into journaling it does help. I've eliminated so many people and I will continue to do so if I have to so that I will keep myself mental healthy. Have a great week.
Pilar, I always remember that your birthday is on Christmas and smile the whole time. That is really something. I like your frame, "the best time for new beginnings." What a glorious sunset that is. You look so pretty in the photo with the blue eye shades. Yes, Hope. It is one of my favorite words. Always remain in Hope, dear friend.
That's so sweet of you Sheri. That phrase in that frame has helped me a lot this year. The sunset picture is my favorite. I remember going over Lake Murray that day. Hope is important. I never give up hope. Wishing you a wonderful week.
I wish you all the best my dear Pilar, have a awonderful birthday!
Thank you Paola. I hope you're having a wonderful week.
Estás espectacular ! Todo divino! Feliz fin de semana! ☃️☃️☃️
Gracias. Espero que tenga un gran fin de semana.
You are very pretty, I always like your photos :)
Thank you Kinga. Have a great weekend.
Is good you take spiritual time with God put all issues with faith in his hands and be at peace that he is resolving it. Enjoy your holiday and have a great Birthday also may the New Year be filled of blessings.
Thank you Jackie. I've been on this spiritual journey with God and it's been very eye opening. I'm learning to put my faith more into God, and praying for inner peace and resolutions. I hope you enjoy your holidays and your new year is also filled with blessings.
Lets hope 2020 is a better year. 2019 has not been good for me either. I too suffer from depression and anxiety though for me it is from constant hardship in my life. In fact I am in the process of writing it all down as so much has happened to me in my lifetime I don't think most people would believe. But by writing it down I have a snapshot of everything that has happened.
I am reading a book on NDE's it is interesting. Not sure if this would make you feel better but it might.
Happy birthday Christmas gorgeous girl Wishing you a new year full of happiness and peace and love and all the most amazing things life can bring to you It is so tough sometimes and I know it and I know what depression is like too lived with depression for most of my life and Also feeling unsuccessful that was another issue but what is success? It is everything you are so don't feel bad about accomplishments because I know you have accomplished so much and things happen in the right time no matter what so keep positive, look after yourself and love yourself above all Much love to you xoxo Cris
Thanks Allie. I'm hoping and praying for 2020 to be a year. Anxiety and depression can be so hard especially if you're going though hardship(s). I hope that next year will be better for you. Writing your feelings down can be very therapeutic.
I don't think I've ever read a book on NDE's. I've heard those books are interesting.
Thank you Cris. You're words are too kind. Life with depression and anxiety has been hard this year, but I know there's so many things that are good in life. I think that we ultimately define what is success. If we give our all and try our best that can be success within itself. I'm learning to acknowledge the accomplishments that I've acheived so far. Next year I'm going to take better care of myself and optimistic. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
feliz cumpleaños bonita, y que bien con tanto maquillaje, disfrutalo.
Gracias. Espero que tengas un gran fin de semana.
Lovely thoughts Pilar,
and I love that quote about new beginnings ♥
Enjoy the holidays.
Thank you Ann. Happy Holidays.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year
Have a wonderful day
Same to you
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