Sunday, November 5, 2023

A Challenging Year of Thankfulness

 Hello Everyone, 

As you can see for my photo the leaves are changing colors as we continue the Fall season. I think life is a lot like the leaves, life is always changing. 

My life has been a constant season of change especially since my mom died on the 4th of July. That was the day my life changed forever. When she first died I was completely devastated. I mentioned this before, but the morning after she died I was so angry not that she died, but that I woke up. I just wanted to be with my mom. When she died it was hard for me to look at myself in the mirror knowing that I look just like my mom.  Four months later I still hurt. I think about her everyday and I miss my mom so much. She wasn't only my mom, but my very best friend. 

The moments when I feel sad, I like to think of the happy memories of my mom. She was so full of life and I know she wants me to remember our happy times and all that she instilled in me to be the woman that I am and the woman I want to become. In the midst of all my grief I am thankful for the 37 years my mom was in my life. 

In August I found a new lease on life because I could've lost my own life. I was so sick with pneumonia, sepsis, and covid. That first hospital stay still traumatize me knowing that I could've died. I still struggle with that. I'm thankful that I was able to recover from those illnesses sooner rather than later. I'm still having some complications, but I'm not as sick as I was before and for that I'm thankful and blessed.

I started blogging again to channel my feelings. Everyday isn't a bad day, but I do have my bad days that I struggle with my mental health and physical health. Some days I'm harder on myself than others and I don't give myself enough credit and grace. In life we just the best we can and take one day at time. Challenges can make you feel like maybe I deserve all the bad things I feel and going through even though that's usually not true. Life just tends to happen. In this season of thankfulness I'm thankful for a lot, especially lifes basic necessities a home, food, etc.. No matter what you go through it's always some in your life to be thankful for.





10 comments:

Marie said...

Pilar I know that you have faced many obstacles these past few months, but you are a strong, brave, and beautiful person. I know that things will work out for you. Sending you love and light ❤

Jackie Harrison said...

Sometimes when we go through the storms in life we ask ourselves why? because we are human and know we are not perfect we have to learn and accept only God knows now, tomorrow and our future.The Lord sometimes is trying to get our attention meaning seek for him, pray and do not be afraid to ask God to escort you out of the storm. Your mom is looking how strong and how much you have conquer so do not give up and embrace everything that comes your way with faith.

Vix said...

I'm so sorry that you lost your mum so recently, Pilar. I remember those feelings of anger from the death of my own mum 13 years ago. I'm also very sorry to hear of your health issues. I hope blogging and sharing your thoughts and worries help you heal. xxx

Red Rose Alley said...

So glad that you have thankfulness in your heart, Pilar, especially after all the hardships you've endured this year. I read one time that a grateful person is a happy person. I believe that is true. I liked seeing the Fall foliage in your area too!

~Sheri

Anonymous said...

Wishing you all the best and a wonderful holiday season

Jackie Harrison said...

It's understandable its your first holiday without your Mom is going to be hard but you dear friend could pull through and just share all the great moments you had with your mom on Thanksgiving and all that she implement to you about the holiday.

Ivana Split said...

It is true. There is always something to be thankful for.

Hena Tayeb said...

So sorry that you have had such a tough year. But you have endured and you will continue to do so. Because you are strong. My prayers are with you.

ALLIE NYC said...

You have had a very challenging year. It really does take time fully heal from or a death, or it is more that you learn to live with it. And sorry you were so sick but happy to hear you are feeling better.

Allie of
www.allienyc.com

RaeAbigael said...

I'm glad that you're moving forward. But I feel your pain and the sudden change when you just lost someone very dear to you. I wish you the best and do know that you have us in this small online community to listen to you if you need to talk. :)

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